#28. Who’ll Buy The Carbon Paper Now?
(Note: this is the note that reminds you that I'm not going to try to sell you a DAMN THING. I'm going to talk about books, but generally, and not give you links to buy them. Believe me, my publishers LOVE THIS POLICY.)
I've been thinking a lot about why I write. For different books it's been different reasons:
My first book, which I will not tell you the title of, came out in 2003, which was a very long time ago. And when I wrote that one it was kind of just exploring the idea--I didn't have a belief that writing full-time would ever be a real thing that I did.
Several years later, I broke into the national market, with a book the title of which I will not divulge. This book was 100% written to make money, because this took place in 2009, and I had just finished grad school in The Great Recession, and I Did. Not. Have. A. Job. So, I would apply for jobs all morning, and then write books all night, and somehow ended up with six-figure, three-book contract with HarperCollins.
From then on, I was absodamnlutely writing for money, and once my ability to sell my own books ended (because of markets and whatever) I did ghostwriting, which is all the bad stuff about writing, but with less money and no fame.
And then I hit the New York Times Bestseller list in 2019--in a co-writing deal with a book which I will not share--and then I stepped away. I considered myself retired. Probably because, from about 2015-2019 I'd been ghostwriting, always struggling for money, and loathing the experience. So, I just stopped.
Well folks, I'm writing again, but it's not to be famous and it's not to make money (which is good because it's not resulting in either of those things). I'm writing right now because I'm loving it.
Last fall I finished a young adult 120-year-in-the-future book, which I have refined quite a bit, and which is currently sitting with my agent.
This summer, I wrote a long-sought-for sequel to a book I wrote in 2009. This is also sitting with my agent.
And now, I'm 52k words into a YA contemporary about a kid with schizophrenia.
But here's the key: I'm writing for love of the game. That's all. Although I can't deny that, once in a while, a little imp will whisper in my ear "this is going to win the Pulitzer", I am trying really, really hard to write solely for pleasure.
And it's working. I'm writing for fun, and I am, indeed having a ton of fun. I have ZERO intentions of ever writing full-time again. I've lived that life and I didn't like it. I would honestly be happy if I never did a book signing or spoke at a school ever again in my entire life, and then I died and was reincarnated, and that guy never has to do a book signing or speak at a school ever again. I do not want it.
Here's the problem: I think these books are neat, and I want people to read them.
But, that's a problem for Future Rob. Because Present Rob is not selling anything.
You Want To Know Who Else Was Writing For Fun and Also Maybe Mentally Ill?
You know who I've been thinking about an unhealthy amount through all of this? A lesser-known author and artist named Henry Darger. Darger was a hospital worker most of his adult life (he lived a very difficult life) and when he got super old and unhealthy, his landlord sent a friend up to Darger's apartment to help him move. And the friend discovered that Darger was an incredibly prolific artist and author. In fact, his main novel has been called the longest known novel in history.
The title alone is impressive: The Story of the Vivian Girls, in What is Known as the Realms of the Unreal, of the Glandeco–Angelinian War Storm, Caused by the Child Slave Rebellion. But the book clocks in at fourteen volumes comprising a total of 15,145 pages. And it was followed up by a sequel, which was an additional 800 pages. And he had an autobiography (and a paltry 205 pages). But he also had so much artwork! He drew and painted everywhere, on everything. Half his stuff was drawn (and even his books written) on trash paper pulled out of the garbage.
Now, I'm not saying that my three books sitting here make me into the next Henry Darger. But I am very interested in a man who can do so much work just because he wants to do it.
Of course, Henry Darger was not well. With so much of his life documented (his artwork has now been shown in a MoMA exhibition) there is no end of speculation about his mental conditions, guesses that include autism, hypergraphia (the obsessive urge to write), obsessive–compulsive disorder, temporal lobe epilepsy, schizophrenia and post-traumatic stress disorder.
But: hey! I have schizophrenia, too!
Anyway, what's the point of all this: the day I'm writing this is Indigenous Peoples Day and I've had the day off work and I've added 8000 words to my contemporary YA.
It's just nice to love it again, you know?
Bits and Bobs from the News
#1. Tracking Cats' Health with 300,000 Litter Box Videos
Scientists (sponsored by Purina! Alert! Sponsored Research!) decided to see if they could analyze the health of our feline companions. Cats commonly suffer from diabetes, obesity, kidney disease, hyperthyroidism, urinary tract infections, and other stuff, but usually it is caught too late to do anything. For example, a kidney can lose 80% of function before even an alert cat owner will notice.
So: they took 147 cats and a whole bunch of litter boxes, that were all fitted with sensors and scales and--most importantly--video cameras. And, over the course of four years they identified 39 "ethograms", which are basically unique movement patterns that cats use when they're relieving themselves. And, in an instance where AI does something good, they are able to watch YOUR cat and see if it's sick!
And yes, this is sponsored by Purina, and they've built their own Mecha Litter Box, but presumably you can look at the 39 ethograms and build one of your own. For profit!
#2. What's Been Biting That Guy's Head?
Humans have only been around for, on the outside, 300,000 years. But hominids have been around a lot longer than that, and a fossil of a very ancient hominid (1.8 million years old) was found in Tanzania. But this skull was found with two very noticeable teeth marks in it. This old hominid did not die in a pleasant way.
But because scientists are scientists, they needed to figure out exactly WHICH unpleasant way this hominid was eaten. Well, they used AI again (yay AI!) but they had a problem: we just don't have a lot of data about the bite patterns of every carnivore alive 1.8 million years ago--those skulls are rare. So, AI compared hundreds of bit patterns to modern hyenas, crocodiles, leopards, and other carnivores, and the answer: A Leopard. Yep, a leopard bit this guy in the head. Science!
#3. Fetuses Don't 'Learn' Language in the Womb, But They Get the Gist of It
New parents always like to think that talking to your baby while it's still in the belly is good for them and make them do better on the SATs or something. But new research shows that the baby is not learning language during pregnancy, but they're learning the rhythm (kinda) of the language.
The test worked this way: 60 pregnant mothers in a French-speaking part of Canada were put into three groups: one group was the control, where they just talked regular French. Then the next group talked in French and also played bedtime stories in German. And the final group had bedtime stories in German and Hebrew. (They picked French, German, and Hebrew because they're all very distinctively different.)
And then when the babies were born, in the first three days of their lives, they got a functional near-infrared spectroscopy (fNIRS) test. When the babies were played French, their left temporal lobes all lit up--this is the brain's language processing center. But the babies who were introduced to the different languages also recognized them.
So, it's not that the babies were understanding the language, but they were recognizing that whatever they were listening to WAS language. Neat!
#4. Neat Cool Thing Found In Super Old Place
So, we've all heard about Göbeklitepe, right? The amazing place in Turkey that was found in the 1990s that makes ancient Egypt look like a little baby? Well it was and it does. It is the oldest known site of what archaeologists refer to as 'monumental architecture'. You know, like your Pyramids of Giza or your Stonehenges, or your Chaco Canyons. Well, this Göbeklitepe is 12,000 years old, which is WAY too old to exist, because we had believed that, back then, it was all hunter-gatherers.
Well, let's just say that Graham Hancock made a dumb documentary out of this.
Anyway, it has an EVEN OLDER, but less impressive brother site, called Karahantepe. And archaeologists have found this magnificent carved human face, which is the oldest-known human image on a bit of monumental architecture. Pretty frigging cool.
Distractions and Diversions
SciShow this week explained--not using fake science, but using honest-to-goodness real science--that antidepressants help fight cancer! (Not exactly. But the way SSRIs and MAOIs work is pointing us toward new cancer insights!)
If you've ever looked at an ape (and, presumably, you've looked at an ape before) you'll have noticed that they don't have chins. And we, big human apes, do have chins. AND NO ONE KNOWS WHYYYY
You ever watched Ratatouille and looked at the ratatouille and thought "I'd like to try some ratatouille, but I have no ratatouille recipe video." Well, problem solved, bucko.
