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My first post in four months (posted on Friday, December 14, 2007)

Well, sorry about that. I'd meant to post here. That's what you get for believing me.

If you'd like to see another blog that I rarely update, I started one that's specific to my BYU MBA experiences. You can find it here.

Also, I've started adding goodies for Wake Me When It's Over, which you can find here. Basically, it's scene-by-scene commentary, with a few deleted scenes and a some trivia. If you're just joining us, I did the same thing for The Counterfeit, and you can read that here.

And, as always, I'm blogging every Tuesday at Six LDS Writers and a Frog. If you'd like to read my past articles there, I've got links to all of them on the Articles page.

Hooray!

Hiatus (posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007)

If there's one lesson to be learned from this blog, it's that I'm not to be trusted. I'll tell you I'm working on one project, and then suddenly I'm working on something else, and then I never blog at all, and then I start all over.

Well, just to lower your expectations a little bit:


Two weeks ago I contacted Covenant, my publisher, and told them that I'm not going to be turning in any new books for the next two years. The reason is that, while I love writing and plan to continue writing, I'm going back to grad school this fall and really can't justify the extra time commitment. We're making so many sacrifices for school--going into debt, living in an itty bitty apartment, etc--that I want to get the most out of it.


I'll still write, of course. I don't think I could ever really stop. But for the next two years there won't be frantic deadlines and all-night writing sessions and Can-you-rewrite-half-the-book-in-four-days? kinds of things.


Don't worry--I'll still blog here and on Six LDS Writers. And I'll stay on for one more year as President of the Whitney Awards. But all the books that have been in the hopper for the last year will stay in the hopper. Sorry.

Attention readers: I'm not your monkey (posted on Monday, August 6, 2007)

So, yeah, last week I made some promise about posting EVERY SINGLE DAY last week and giving out some awards to blogs I read. Well, I didn't do it. And frankly, I'm tired of you pushing me around, telling me what to do and how often to blog!

Actually, I tried to do it, but I'd just blogged about the blogs I like three weeks ago, and if I were to blog about it now it'd be all the same stuff! So, let's just pretend that back when I wrote that blog, I gave them all awards. These awards, in fact: Most Awesome Blog In The World, Most Hippest Rockin' Blog, and Best Blog in a Supporting Role. (Not necessarily in that order.)


In other news, I quit my job on Friday, in anticipation of going back to school later this month. Jobs are for suckers.

They Like Me! They Really Like Me! (posted on Tuesday, July 31, 2007)

I've always been somewhat averse to winning awards, by which I mean that I DON'T win awards so I pretend that I didn't want them anyway. Crappy old awards.

The first award I can remember winning was for the Utah State Fair. I didn't enter anything in the fair--I just went with my fourth grade class and then drew a picture of some fair stuff. I won TWO DOLLARS. It was pretty awesome.


Well, in the last two weeks I've won not just one but two substantial, coveted awards. How coveted? VERY.


They're both blogging awards, presented by other bloggers, and probably not recognized by any formal institution or organization. Good, I say. These are awards from the people, not The Man.


The first came from Tristi Pinkston, a fellow author who sometimes dresses up like a fairy and is a strong proponent of alternative medicine. She passed on the award of Creative Blogger, and said: "For making me laugh my head off every time I read your posts by using your unique and somewhat insane writer's voice, I give you The Creative Blogger Award." Pretty awesome, eh?


The second come from Annette Lyon, whose husband is named Rob and she always confuses me by saying things like "last night Rob and I went to the movies" or "I hate Rob's stinky breath" or "Rob is just a dreamy dreamboat". She currently writes historical novels about temples. She gave me an award for Blogging Community Involvement, and said: "He's one of the funniest writers I know, and he is heavily involved in both the LDS writing community and the blog community. He's one of the six writers from the wildly popular Frog Blog, and he also keeps up his own blog at his website. I can't think of a blogger who has made me laugh, snort, and spit out drinks onto the monitor more often than Rob..."


I'm truly flattered by Annette and Tristi's comments. Consequently, this week I'll be giving an award of my own to four websites/blogs I enjoy. Tune in tomorrow for award number one!

Potterwatch Day Five (posted on Saturday, July 28, 2007)

Best quotes from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

10. "I love the smell of gillyweed in the morning."
9. "I ate his liver with some Every Flavor Beans and a nice Chianti."
8. "Mrs. McGonagall, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?"
7. "Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty centaur!"
6. "Of all the pumpkin juice joints in all the towns in all the world, she Apparates into mine."
5. "Flying Whizbees is people!"
4. "You had me at Petrificus Totalus."
3. "No, it wasn't the airplanes. It was Avada Kedavra kiled the beast."
2. "I have a feeling we're not in England anymore, Crookshanks."
1. "There's no crying in Quidditch!"

Potterwatch Day Four (posted on Thursday, July 26, 2007)

Surprising Items Found in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows which indicate JK Rowling is Mormon

10. Hagrid is referred to as "one mighty and strong".
9. The Department of Mysteries now features a Rameumptom.
8. Harry recounts his past experiences: "I had the special opportunity to go to the Chamber of Secrets."
7. Introduction of new house elf, Dobby's brother: Mahonri Moriancumer.
6. Neville is rescued from the Forbidden Forest by three men dressed in white. They advise him to get his food storage.
5. Ron and Hermione defend their relationship: snogging not mentioned in For the Strength of Youth.
4. Butterbeer replaced by cool, refreshing bottled water.
3. In climactic scene, Harry rides into the Ministry of Magic on a white horse. Claims the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery is hanging by a thread.
2. Transfiguration class replaced by Enrichment.
1. The Order of the Phoenix murmurs, gets cholera, returns home.

Potterwatch Day Three (posted on Wednesday, July 25, 2007)

Day Three: The most inspiring moments in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

10. In the Department of Mysteries, Dolores Umbridge fights corruption with a 23-hour long filibuster. She collapses to the floor, and Scrimgeour admits his guilt.
9. Colin Creevy FINALLY learns how to cast a patronus when Luna pumps water over Colin's hands.
8. Professor Snape takes the troubled kids under his wing--Crabbe, Goyle, Malfoy, etc--and helps them to pass the AP Potions test. The ministry thinks they all cheated, but they take it a second time--and pass again! Snape calls Pansy Parkinson "net-head".
7. Harry builds a Quidditch field in the backyard, and his dad comes out of the corn to play with him.
6. Grawp, despite his limited mental capacity, still manages to inspire a bumper sticker, run from coast to coast, and own a lucrative shrimp company.
5. Just before Christmas, a New York court is trying to disprove the existence of magic. Young Hermione Granger enters the courtroom, approaches the bench, and then casts the Cruciatus curse on the prosecutor. The evidence is clear, and the judge dismisses the case.
4. Professor McGonagall teaches in an unorthodox manner and inspires the kids to be themselves. Ginny plays the saxaphone in a cave. Neville tries out for a play, and then shoots himself in the head. McGonagall is fired.
3. Ron takes his stand: "Wherever there's a fight so mudbloods can use magic, I'll be there. Wherever there's a Death Eater beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. An' when the people are eatin' the stuff they Apparate, and livin' in tents that are way bigger on the inside than on the outside - I'll be there, too."
2. Falsely accused, Mad Eye Moody sits in Azkaban. Bellatrix Lestrange advises "Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'."
1. To rescue Harry from the Gringott's bank examiner, the town's people flock to his house with baskets of Galleons and Knuts. Zuzu says "Everytime a bell rings, a Hippogriff gets its wings."

Potterwatch Day Two (posted on Tuesday, July 24, 2007)

The most annoying political messages in Book 7

10. Dumbledore's Army has started wearing Che Guevara t-shirts.
9. The Death Eaters' worst crimes involve litter and driving SUVs.
8. Flourish and Botts gets pushed out of business by big box store Wand-Mart
7. Poverty gets the best of the Weasleys. Mr. Weasley applies for Ministry aid, but is called a welfare-mooch and starves to death in a gutter.
6. If you listen closely to the Zapruder film you can faintly hear "Avada Kedavra!" coming from the grassy knoll.
5. The House Elves take control of the factories, murder the bourgeousie.
4. Hagrid and Filch build a fence around Hogwarts, claim the centaurs are taking all the good jobs.
3. The Malfoys decide to homeschool Draco.
2. Fleur and Madame Maxime denounce their home country, begin listening to country music.
1. All this crap about orphans.

Potterwatch Day One (posted on Monday, July 23, 2007)

Rather than review Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I figured I'd just spoil all the best parts. So, beginning today and continuing all week, I'm going to highlight some of the most romantic, most exciting, most shocking bits of Book 7.

DAY ONE: Most romantic moments in Deathly Hallows


10. Seamus discovers he really loves Parvati Patil the moment she "sat on that silly pinecone".
9. Hagrid, up to his neck in the icy water of the lake, is told by a weeping Professor McGonagall "I'll never let go". (She eventually lets go, because Hagrid, as you can imagine, is pretty heavy.)
8. As Cho Chang is about to be executed in the courtyard, Quasimodo swoops down to her rescue and carries her to bell tower.
7. Finally deciding that she can't ever make Malfoy good, Lavender Brown dresses like a sexy biker chick and joins his gang. They drive off into the sky in Greased Lighting.
6. Professor Sprout realizes that Snape's cold, aloof exterior hide his true good nature, and that he was wronged by Professor Flitwickham.
5. Nearly Headless Nick enlists the powers of phoney fortune teller Sybill Trelawney to help him contact his true love: Dolores Umbridge. Trelawney slides a gold galleon under the door. Umbridge says "ditto".
4. Grawp kidnaps Luna, climbs to the top of the Shrieking Shack, and is shot down by bi-planes.
3. Lucius Malfoy lassos the moon for Narcissa. Then he kills a bunch of people.
2. Ron and Hermione finally meet, on Valentine's Day, at the top of the Empire State Building. It turns out that Ron's bookstore was bullying Hermione's out of business, and then they jump into a volcano together. Hilarity ensues.
1. Ginny gets on her broom and flies off into the night. Harry and Voldemort walk together. You-Know-Who says "Harry, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

In the interim (posted on Tuesday, July 10, 2007)

If you've been paying attention on the other blog, you'll know that I've been moving and getting ready for school. Another thing that I might not have mentioned there is that I'm now commuting from BYU to Salt Lake every day, via mass transit. It's two hours up in the morning, and two and a half back at night. So, with me spending four and a half hours on the bus everyday, blogging has been put on the back burner.

And since I know that you're eager for blogs, I thought that I'd give you some links to a few of my favorites.


1. There's a new collaborative blog by a bunch of my female author friends, called Writers In Heels. It's mucho entertaining (though they mention chocolate every other sentence). (By the way, it's not actually its own blog; it's a feed aggregator.) (That sounds like a piece of farm equipment.)


2. Chickens Don't Have Armpits This blog is written by another author friend of mine, Matthew Buckley. Aside from writing books about chickens and bullies, he also is the Director of Giving Away Knowledge For Free at Utah State University. He always has very interesting--often genius--ideas. Go look up his series about the Peanuts characters.


3. Little People -- A Tiny Street Art Project For those of you who don't know what street art is, it's basically high-quality vandalism. Generally, it relies heavily on being out of context--making you look at common things in strange new ways. This particular artist makes tiny models of people and everyday objects, and fits them into city scenes. Here are a couple of my favorites: 1 2. (Disclaimer: there's occasional bad language in the comments section.)


4. The Jolly Porter I found this blog through Eric Snider's website. The blogger, Christopher Clark is a theater professor and a hilarious writer. He tends to write in character, and the results are often brilliant.


5. Dinosaur Comics Yes, this isn't a blog, but it's one of the first sites I check every morning. Routinely hilarious.


There are a bunch more, but I'm writing this list to save time, not spend time. Back to work with me!






All material on this site is copyrighted by Robison E. Wells, 2004.